#this would be a much later in the game kind of thing

[love-byers]

I feel like Mike’s confused on his feelings for El in s4 not because he doesn’t love her but because he can’t love her. The whole conversation in El’s room after the rink incident is Mike trying to prove to El that he does love her without actually having to say it. He’s telling her that she this incredible person (who wouldn’t love you) and that she’s being ridiculous for thinking anything less of herself. Saying “you know how I feel about you” instead of actually saying it. Saying “You’re a superhero and they’re nobody”. Later on in the van with Will we find out that Mike also sees himself as a nobody and I think it’s cause of how he sees himself with El. When El says ‘you don’t love me anymore’ Mike hesitates and stutters for moment like he’s trying to find it in himself to say those words but he can’t and I think because of that he feels inferior, he feels less than. He does care about a lot. He’s just utterly confused with himself like this amazing, incredible girl (with super powers for crying out loud) is right here and I don’t love her!! WHY!? How could I not love her? What’s wrong with me? She’s everything he SHOULD want and more and it stresses him out that he can’t love her. He wasn’t this stressed out s3 when she broke up with him. He was chilling on the couch eating chips thinking he did nothing wrong but this season he’s constantly in his head thinking about his feelings for El and feeling so down on himself and confused because he can’t love her how she should be loved. I think in s3 when he blurted out that he loved her I think it was a heat of the moment kind of thing and maybe he did think that he did love her then because if I care about her this much I must love her, right!? but when it actually came down to it he couldn’t write it in letters to her and couldn’t say it to her face when she needed him to.

yes i agree! mike is definitely very confused and i feel so bad for him. he's only 14 and he's being pressured to figure all these things out and do what others want of him. i think thats why he opens up to will and speaks ambiguously when he does it, he's hoping will, who has always understood him without words being necessary, would figure it out for him. but will just says he can say what he didn't say, and mike doesn't like that answer.

what triggered the change from his nonchalant s3 behavior to his s4 behavior is for sure the s3 epilogue. earlier in the season he says he loves el, then he tries to say it to her face and gets interrupted. he wants to say it, he wants her to know. he thinks he loves her. then in the epilogue, el does the hard part for him. she confirms that she loves mike, despite mike never saying it. he should be overjoyed. but he's not, because el reciprocating the feelings he thought he felt has made it all too real for him. el saying i love you made him realize he's dug himself in a hole that's gonna be hard to get out of. he's realizing this doesn't make him feel good, this isn't what he wants.

what does he want?

"--changing. And I guess...if I'm being really honest...that's what scares me. I don't want things to change.

So I guess maybe thats why i came in here. To try to maybe...stop that change. To turn back the clock. To make things go back to how they were."

he wants to go back.

mike is scared because he's realizing he doesn't want the things he thought he did. he thought he wanted to grow up and get a girlfriend and let his childhood go, let his friends go, let will go.

"What did you think, really? That we were never gonna get girlfriends? That we were just gonna sit in my basement all day and play games for the rest of our lives?"

"Yeah, I guess I did. I really did."

but now he's being faced with that reality. taking the next step with el, being in love with her openly and having her feel the same way. and all he can think about is will. all he yearns for is to go back to how things used to be, when he was happy and carefree and things weren't so complicated. he yearns for will. he yearns for the exact thing he implied was silly and outlandish and impossible in the rain fight. he wants to be in his basement playing dnd with will.

and i will say, a lot of mlvns think this is bad because its encouraging them to be childish, which is stupid. will confirming that he wants to spend the rest of his life playing dnd in mike's basement doesn't literally mean that's what he wants to do with his life. its coded conversation, it's a metaphor. he wants to spend his life with mike. when he's with mike, playing dnd in his basement, he thinks "i want to be here forever" because he's with mike, who he loves. mike, who is struggling with his feelings and internalized homophobia, has been conditioned to think that his relationship with will is childish and something he must grow out of, even if its what he wants. because after puberty you can't be all close and touchy with your male friends, you're supposed to start liking girls. his relationship with will is something he must let go of. he assumes will has thought the same, but he hasn't. this coded convo continues into the epilogue

"Woah, dude, that's the donation box."

"I know. I'll just use yours when I come back. I mean, if we still want to play."

"Well, yeah, but...what if you want to join another party?"

"Not possible."

mike is insecure that will is going to move on from him when he moves. will, however, never intended to. he is intending to come back to mike, to reserve mike's place in his heart. mike says "well, yeah" because of course he still wants to play with will, of course he still wants will, that's not the problem. he's worried that will is going to move on from him, that will is going to replace him. will puts this to rest. he doesn't want to play dnd if it's not with mike. he only wants mike, he never considered moving on from him or replacing him. it was mike who was insecure about that.

and this whole conversation happens right before the mlvn scene. mike and will just resolved the rain fight, agreed that they both intend to come back to each other indefinitely. then el comes in between that, makes that impossible. she loves him. old people say that to each other, people who have committed to each other for life. that's what mike is realizing he's in for. and he doesn't want that. he wants to turn back the clock. he wants will. and it scares him. he's not supposed to want that over a life with el. he's been gifted her love on a golden platter, so why doesn't he want it?? why is he yearning for the past??

so i think mike gets stuck in a weird limbo where he pulls away from will, but not fully, but also won't fully commit to el, aka avoiding the word love. he doesn't know what to do, or what he's supposed to want. he's insecure and afraid of his feelings. "We're friends! We're friends!"

then he's confronted by el about not saying love, and the s4 escapade of will essentially convincing mike to say i love you begins. at the very least, mike knows that if he says that, then it'll be a lie, and he doesn't want to lie. but he feels like if he doesn't say it, el will see no reason to keep him around. he feels like he has no worth outside of being her boyfriend. then will swoops in and tells him how great he is, and we all know what happened after that...

holy shit mike just kiss him on the mouth it would be so much easier than whatever this shit is

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Jason the toymaker x A Reader who collects toys

Well, well, well, it looks like Jason has some competition, hm? I'm joking a little bit, but once Jason learns that you collect toys, considering he's a toymaker, he takes trying to make you toys that you'd add to your collection very seriously. Although, Jason is quite happy that you're as fond of toys as he is. Toys are a pretty big part of his life, and knowing that you enjoy them so much that you even collect them brings him a lot of joy and security in your relationship, as I do think sometimes he gets a little bit worried about whether or not a new partner might judge him for how into toys he is, so it makes him feel very comfortable in his relationship with you.

Jason is obviously very curious about the kinds of toys you collect (especially if he's going to be upping his game to make toys he thinks are worthy enough to belong in your collection), and so he does ask you a lot of questions about them. I feel like he doesn't originally expect you to actually show him all the toys you have in your collection, but if you'd like to show him, he jumps at the chance and is giddy like a kid in a candy shop about it. Jason can tell from how well-loved and maintained they are that you obviously care a great deal for them, and it makes his chest warm and makes him feel more confident in the fact that he clearly picked the right person. I feel like he'd also ask if you have any stories about specific ones, or if you have favorites and why if you do. As a toymaker, it makes him happy when people are able to form sentimental attachments to their toys, as I do think Jason treasures every toy he creates, and he views them as more than just objects to play with or hold or look at.  I feel like he, in the end, would tell you he wants to try to make a toy worthy of being in your collection one day, but what he's not expecting is for you to say that any toy he makes could go in your collection.

When you explain that it's because anything he was to make for you would be special, he definitely gets all blushy and flustered, but he still says that if you're going to put one of his toys into your collection it simply must be perfect. That's just how he is with you, his partner, in general; you deserve nothing less than perfection in his mind, whether it's a toy or something else, you deserve the best of the best. He still, all this time later, hasn't crafted a toy he thinks is perfect for you yet, but one day he will, and it'll be the finest thing he's ever crafted, you'll just have to be patient and wait a bit longer for it. (He does still give you tons of toys though, all made by him of course, he just thinks they aren't good enough for the collection.) One of Jason's favorite pastimes with you is pulling you into his lap and making new toys with you. He'll show you all the different parts and what they do, regardless of the type of toy. He'll sit there and tinker for hours with you in his lap, explaining every single step and part of the process, and it makes him indescribably happy and relaxed to be able to do this with you. If you ever randomly ask to watch him craft something he feels as though he might die on the spot from elation.

[rat6ix]

So what?

Nam-gyu x reader

Summary: you are horrible for each other but neither of you are gonna do anything about it.

Warnings: smut, toxic!nam-gyu AND reader, neither of them are good people dont be like them, degrading from both parties, switch!nam-gyu and reader, biting, doesn’t take place in squid game, talk of drugs; no description of either doing them but yall high as shit, reader and nam-gyu love each other in some kind of fucked up way…i think, reader is highkey a freak and not in a good way, choking but not the sexy kind reader is tryna kill him, but then again he finds it hot so maybe it is sexy..?, no aftercare.

Porn with no plot 😇

—

Wc: 1.1k

— 🐀

At this point you’re not sure nam-gyu remembers why you were fighting, the drugs in your system combined with the feeling of his cock shoved inside of you making both of your brains fuzzy, you could tell he was getting antsy —impatient even. You hadn’t moved since his cock had slipped inside of you, he didnt deserve it, Not until he apologized. His hands away from any part of you, you made it very clear you would have no problem kicking him out of your apartment , it wouldn’t be the first time he was on your doorstep begging for you to let him in.

You heard him whine from under you, obviously trying to keep himself from squirming. You could feel his cock twitch every time you shifted a certain way, you wanted to roll your eyes at how pathetic he was. His eyebrows were scrunched together, his eyes squeezed shut trying not to fall apart but you knew he would sooner than later.

“Don’t be like that, stop being a cunt nam-gyu look at me.” You teased.

Bringing your hand up to his jaw. You chuckled as he glared at you, his hands twitching by his sides. You know how much he wanted to flip you over and fuck your brains out but you also knew he wouldn’t cause his ego means too much to him.

“Fuck you.” Nam-gyu growled, his jaw clenched his eyes still glaring. You stared down at him blankly before you started laughing, you’d might as well have tears in your eyes at this point.

“You’d love that wouldn’t you.” you joked.

You rolled your hips, a smile still on your face as nam-gyu let out a strangled noise. You moved your upper body closer to his, your hand leaving his jaw finally. Leaning to whisper in his ear.

“Say you’re sorry and I’ll fuck you.”

He made a noise of defiance, jerking his head away from your’s. You leaned back up and frowned, reaching down and gripping his hair. He winced at the feeling, your grip tight as you pulled his face towards yours.

“Don’t do that nam-gyu, you owe me an apology for what you did.” You insisted.

When He didn’t answer your grip on his hair got tighter until he broke.

“Fuck—fine! Im sorry.” He pleaded tears gathering in his eyes from the pain.

“You don’t even know what you’re apologizing for.” You chuckled.

You knew he didn’t and you were right, the look on his face gave him away. It was the face he always made when he was about to lie himself out of trouble. You knew him far too well for far too long for that to work on you. He didn’t know but you didn’t mind reminding him, your hands moving to his chest.

“Remember when you left me high off my ass on the bathroom floor of club pentagon tonight because you had “better things to do than babysit someone who cant handle their drugs”, hm?” You tilted your head as you spoke.

You were tempted to get off his dick kick him out right now just because he didn’t remember, luckily a nice girl stayed with you until you were sober enough to walk and he’s lucky you’re somewhat sober now or else you’re sure you’d be throwing his shit out of your bedroom window; you probably still will if he pisses you off again.

“You’re still mad about that?” Nam-gyu laughed.

His laughter didnt last long as you brought your hands to his throat and fucking squeezed. His eyes widened as you smiled down at him, his fingers trying to pry your hands off of him.

“C’mon say sorry.” You chuckled, doing your best to keep your hands where they were.

“Fuck— im— sor—sorry.” He tried his best to wheeze out.

Satisfied with his shitty apology you release your grip on his neck leaving him sputtering for breath and coughing. You looked down at him with disinterest, your fingers drawing shapes into his stomach. It took him a little bit to get back to normal, his eyes still wide looking at you. He opened his mouth to talk but you cut him off before he even began.

“I could feel your dick twitching the entire time i dont wanna hear anything you fucking slut.” You rolled your eyes.

You barely had time to register him flipping the both of you over, his hands on your wrists keeping you still. His face was unreadable but you could tell he was fucking pissed. It didn’t take long for him to start fucking his cock in you at a brutal pace, his ringed fingers moving to to dig into your thighs, You were definitely going to have bruises on them in the morning.

Your fingers digging into his shoulders kept you grounded, your jaw dropped a bit has he fucked you into your mattress. He was breathing heavy above you, his head hung with hair framing his face. You could hear him curse under his breath a few times before raising his head back up and flipping his hair back to where it wouldn’t obscure his vision.

“Looking a little tired nam-gyu—“ you laughed.

You were cut off by a particularly rough thrust, jolting you backward. You could nam-gyu had enough if your bullshit but that only made you smile harder as he got angrier.

“Stupid fucking bitch, always running your mouth.” Nam-gyu retorted, gripping your jaw.

It hurt to keep smiling, his fingers digging into your face, but you didn’t care. Your mouth open now as you drool all over his hand. He looks at you disgusted before letting go to wiping the drool all over your face. You laughed as best as you could with his cock still being shoved into you at an alarming pace. Your breathing was as labored as nam-gyus at this point, you could tell he was as close to cumming as you were.

Your hands went to the hair on his neck, he probably wasnt even feeling anything but you wrapped around his cock as you tugged at it. His eyes were trained on where your bodies met, occasionally looking up at your face. His hips were stuttering now, the way you were squeezing his cock not making it any easier. For the first time that night he leaned down and caught your lips in a bruising kiss, you decided to take pity on him and return it. After the kiss was broken you took advantage of the position you were in, digging your teeth into his shoulder smiling up at him when he pushed you back with a glare.

It wasnt long after that you both came, nam-gyu pulling out to cum on your stomach. The room was still, the only sound being both of your loud breathing. He rolled off of you a minute later, taking his place on your other side. You stared up at the ceiling for a while before getting up and making your way to the bathroom.

“Where are you going?” Nam-gyu asked out of breath.

“Shower.”

—

Belongs to rat6ix

[fatalism-and-villainy]

@beechicory:

I think one interesting aspect is that Garak doesn't ever pretend to be 'good' in the same way that so many other people and institutions Bashir gets angry at do. He doesn't pretend to be moral. He doesn't lie about it, unlike most institutions/people Bashir feels anger at (from Starfleet, to Sisko in In the Pale Moonlight, etc). I think, in that way, perhaps there isn't the same level of betrayal. Another potential thing is that Bashir can be very, very forgiving of people he cares about. It's obviously on a different scale, but Miles deliberately destroys Julian's work to help the Jem'Hadar be free of Ketrecel White. Julian is angry, and they acknowledge the whole 'it might be a bit before another darts game' thing, but we are left with no doubt that they will reconcile. Even though what Miles did went strongly against Julian's wishes and ideals; yet Julian understands why he did it, and loves his friend nonetheless. I wish Garak and Julian had had at least an episode like that.

Yeah, I agree that Garak being upfront about his shady qualities (and Bashir being kind of into the excitement and intrigue surrounding him early on) does give their relationship an interesting texture. Despite Garak's reputation as a liar, he is very emotionally honest with Bashir in The Wire, and indeed very insistent on Bashir knowing the truth about what he's capable of. So I don't think Bashir would necessarily feel "betrayed" by Garak's actions in the later seasons, at least not in the same way as he does by people and institutions he trusts - but I do think there are reasons why he might keep more distance from Garak once there's a war on and he's forced to seriously contend more with the political/ethical implications of what's going on.

I love Hippocratic Oath (honestly I think Bashir's friendship with O'Brien is at it's most interesting when they disagree) and that final exchange between Bashir and O'Brien in the runabout is very illustrative of the kind of vibes I'd have loved to see between Bashir and Garak - the disappointment and break in communication and trust combined with the inevitability of their continuing to care about each other. That said, while O'Brien destroying Bashir's work is pretty dire, it's in service of saving both their lives, which is a goal that Bashir can much more readily sympathize with than he can with, say, trying to destroy the Founders' planet.

In the Pale Moonlight is interesting to consider here, because Garak murdering a small group of people is ultimately a sort of "needs of the many" thing that has the potential to save billions of lives - which is the kind of long-reaching preservation of life that Bashir was arguing for in Statistical Probabilities. So I think he could potentially come around to understanding Garak's perspective, though I still think it would be very hard for him to accept. But I do think his forgiveness of his friends still necessitates an evaluation of their motives and actions, even if he'd understandably be more biased in favour of people he cares about (as a lot of us would).

I’m trying to untangle The Problem of Garashir (not the least because, well, I’m writing the pairing) -

and I think honestly one of the biggest… roadblocks? bits of untapped potential in the pairing? is that we never really see their relationship put a strain on their ideological convictions.

Which is to say, “the societal institutions we’re subject to are corrupt, but our love is pure, so we’re going to abandon those institutions for each other” is, whether implicitly or explicitly, a common framing in fanfic featuring them (such as I’ve seen) - and to be fair, it’s a common romance trope in general. But I can’t say it works for me for these characters. And part of that is that imo the show doesn’t sufficiently set that up with its development of the relationship between these two characters, but another part of that is that I simply don’t see a world in which that kind of relationship dynamic/approach would fit with their characterizations.

To address the first point - there are never any situations involving these characters in which their fundamental values or institutional loyalties are challenged as a result of their relationship. At no point does Garak, for example, have to choose between Cardassia and his affection for Bashir. (I’ve seen people read The Wire that way, but I don’t think the reading works - The Wire is a fantastic showcase for Garak’s worldview and value system and the cracks and contradictions therein, but even though Bashir’s unwavering commitment to helping him despite what he’s done is certainly unprecedented and moving to him, his underlying value system hasn’t changed by the end of that episode.) And while Bashir’s faith in Starfleet and the Federation does get rocked quite a bit over the course of the show, it’s never because of his friendship with Garak.

Instead, I’d say that with some exceptions (like The Wire), their friendship in the early seasons is usually framed as a respite from their serious responsibilities or moral dilemmas. This especially true of Garak, who is likely not used to someone simply enjoying his company with no ulterior motives whatsoever, but the narrative maneuvering of the show also does a lot to shield Bashir from the reality of who Garak is. Yes, he gets a taste of that in The Wire, when Garak goes out of his way to impress upon him what the reality of his life as a spy truly was. But that’s still only verbal testimony, and only confined to what Garak has done in the past. Bashir is largely absent from all the shit that Garak pulls during the show!

And I’m not complaining that, say, the events of The Die Is Cast take place between Garak and Odo, because it makes thematic sense for it to be Odo for that arc. (And I love that friendship.) But Garak and Bashir do not get a plot like that, or like In the Pale Moonlight, where Bashir is directly exposed to or complicit in Garak’s immoral behaviour. The closest we get to an actual serious ethical clash between them is in Our Man Bashir, which is a goofy comedy episode. (And it’s worth noting that Bashir calls Garak’s bluff and shoots him in that confrontation! Yeah, he likely missed on purpose, given what we later learn about his magic hand-eye coordination, but he’s still unwilling to compromise on his heroism for Garak’s sake. It’s actually a pretty Cardassian gesture, which is probably part of why Garak loves it so much, but it does say a lot about where their priorities are re: their commitment to their values vs. each other.)

And I think the lack of more serious, plot-relevant ethical conflict between Garak and Bashir is a real loss for the show, because one thing I find really interesting about their relationship is that - in contrast to the examples of Odo and Sisko up there - Bashir is the person in the cast most able to hold Garak accountable. He’s repeatedly established as one of the most firmly moral members of the cast, and his righteous anger at seeing those morals trodden upon is one of his most defining character traits in the later seasons. His unconditional forgiveness of Garak in The Wire is lovely, and it is an important moment in the development of both their relationship and Bashir’s character. But in the long term, once we get into actual serious, consequential war and espionage plots? And if we’re imagining them in a long term committed relationship? It wouldn’t be sustainable, and it doesn’t feel in keeping with Bashir’s character that’d he have endless reservoirs of patience and understanding specifically for Garak. And it’s precisely because Bashir is uniquely able to grant Garak forgiveness that he’d also potentially be uniquely able to chastise him.

(This is why, by the way, my headcanon as to the in-universe reason why they don’t seem as close in the later seasons, paternity deathbed reveals and occasional flirty bantering notwithstanding, is that Bashir was seriously fucking pissed at the stunt Garak pulled in Broken Link, both in terms of the personal betrayal and the destructiveness towards sentient life, and that it created a significant rift between them.)

All of that is to say - my biggest regret with the show’s sidelining of their dynamic isn’t the fact that their relationship never becomes romantic (not a chance of that in the 90s, and also these writers were pretty terrible at writing romance) but that they never get to have an argument. An actual serious, non-flirtatious, two-sided, genuinely-angry-at-each-other-argument. I want to see conflict! (I honestly think that their exchange in What You Leave Behind comes the closest to the kind of conflict I’d like to pick up on in post-canon fic - where they are conciliatory in the moment but still have this really wrenching chasm between them, and unresolved frustration as a result of that chasm.)

So as an extension of these thoughts, I actually really like that we’re not given the basis for a traditional “us against the world” style romance plot. I like that these characters are clearly deeply fond of each other and significant to each others’ development, but have other important connections (Garak especially, since despite being only a recurring character introduced through Bashir, he integrates into the broader cast) and other priorities besides each other.

Furthermore, despite the significant differences in their value systems, one very fundamental thing they have in common is how passionately devoted they are to their respective causes. For Garak, it’s Cardassia. And while his idea of what it means to serve Cardassia, and what Cardassia needs, undergoes a lot of change over the course of the show, I don’t see any version of Garak in which Cardassia is not his first love. For Bashir, it’s altruism and helping people, as well as his intellectual curiosity - aims which are reflected in Starfleet and the Federation for him but ultimately higher ideals.

And I don’t think either Garak or Bashir would admire the other nearly as much if they were willing to let go of everything they hold dear for the sake of romance. They’re both far too committed to being a part of the world. Garak may have some fun with trying to shake Bashir of his optimism, but ultimately Bashir’s goodness, his fierce conviction that no one deserves to suffer, are among the most compelling aspects of his personality. And if Bashir is ever going to actually enter a serious relationship with Garak, he’s got to move beyond flirty intrigue and literary banter and see Garak as someone who’s proactively committed to goals that Bashir can respect. If they’re coming together as a couple, it’s because their aims and beliefs have come into alignment in some way.

And to be fair, a lot of post-canon Cardassia stuff is doing the latter. But I also want more… conflict within that framework, I guess? I don’t want a romantic relationship and the act of getting together to be the endpoint of whatever reconciliation of values they need to work through. And that’s part of what I’m trying to untangle in planning this fic of mine - especially regarding how fraught romantic commitment feels for them. For Bashir, there’s the problem of not only reconciling himself with what Garak has done, but also of choosing to be with someone whose impulses and entire cultural belief system places duty and institutional loyalty above personal feelings. And for Garak, there’s the fact that the most devoted and emotionally intense relationship he’s had in his life thus far has been with Tain, who embodied Cardassia for him - and as a result, I doubt he quite knows what to do with the possibility of a serious relationship with Bashir, who is very emphatically not Cardassia. He’s not used to being divided in his passions!

It’s not that I’m never capable of being moved by post-canon stuff that involves Bashir being charmed by how slippery Garak is, or them generally being quippy and fond of each other (I’m not made of stone here). But I’m never satisfied with just that, because that escapist element never feels like it translates well from the early seasons of the show to post-canon, and because it never engages with what I find the most fascinating about what’s set up with their whole dynamic. (And I especially dislike it when it feels like Bashir’s character is getting shortchanged in terms of his complexity and moral convictions being excised in order for Garak to get everything he wants.)

[scrubbinn]

Mimic HRT: month ??? “Fulfillment”

“Alright, see you later, Grace.”

 Floating in the void, Mayday waved as another headmate floated away into the ether. She had made a habit of communicating with her others during her time here. It was surprising how many there were here, how long she had been suppressing them. But here, with no one else to talk to… it was nice. Pleasant even.

“You like her, don’t you?” 

Laborer rested next to Mayday, the first one of them to reach out, Often getting into fights with her, but always trying to steer her onto a better path. Laborer didn’t really fit them anymore. More like a navigator.

“N-no! I mean… She’s cool, I guess… Shut up you nerd!”

Definitely like a sibling.

“So. What now?” They asked. “You've met all of us. At least, everyone that I know is here. You still want to stay here?”

Mayday thought for a moment. The image of a doorway back home came to mind. There probably was one somewhere, but it'd been so long since she stuffed herself in here. What was the outside world even like? Did anyone look for her? Did anyone ca-

“You're spiraling.”

Her mind halted as she processed the words. It still wanted to continue her thoughts, but there was something about the words coming from them that made her reconsider. They carried the tone of “of course I know what you're going through.” She decided that maybe she could just rest a bit first. 

“Does it ever get easier?” She asked, already knowing the answer.

“No.” They spoke with a cheerful tone despite the topic. “Maybe for some, but not us, that's why we're here. To help ease the burden. But I know staying here, just because it's what you're used to, isn't helping. You know that too, don't you?”

“It's where I should be. I'll be a burden to everyone else if I leave. And you won't be there with me.”

“We will though.”

Mayday could feel the presence of her headmates grow closer. Her attention turned to the warmth of those around her. The friends and family that had always been there. Now finally visible to her. Despite such physical impossibilities of the void, it felt like a big hug from so many people. She found it hard to imagine this many people actually wanted her. She wanted to cry, but she had no tear ducts to show her joys and sorrows. Maybe she wasn't meant to stay in the void alone. Maybe she would come back here, but it wasn't nearing anytime soon.

“Maybe sounds like Mayday, that's probably why I'm so wishy-washy.”

A voice next to Mayday starts laughing. “Where the hell did that come from? That's the lamest attempt at sounding clever.”

Mayday laughs too. “I felt like being a bit silly.”

This was a new feeling for her. Completion? No. It was just happiness. Not the kind you have by playing games or going shopping, but the kind you're aware of, the kind you can hold onto and bring it close to your chest. The blanket of joy that lets someone sleep well at night. It was like sitting In a sunbeam.

“What if I end up doing something bad and hurting someone?”

The navigator spoke “You won't.”

“But what if I do something stupid, or I mess up, or I get worse and I end back here?

“You won't.” They chuckle at the reassurance.

“But how can you be sure!? I'm a monster, I might decide to abandon all of you.”

“You won't, and we won't leave you, we've been here. We've always been here. I don't know why we're here, or how long we'll stay, but we won't abandon you.”

“But, but… You could handle things so much better than me.”

“Mayday. This stopped being my story so long ago. It's yours. You're doing amazing.”

When Mayday opened her eyes, she was sitting in her room at THEMS, right in the middle of a sunbeam. She was back in Hyper city. At first she was terrified. Where were the others. Would she never be able to talk to them? But faintly, she heard the words in her mind. She calmed herself, breathing slowly. She checked her phone. Three months had passed since her trip. This was going to take some explaining to everyone.

Mimic HRT: Month 27 “The End”

“That's quite the story.” Dr.Gates spoke softly as the mimic in front of him had finished recounting her tales.

She had been appointed a therapist by Erian and Alexis after her runaway vacation. She didn't mind. It was probably about time, and all her previous doctors sucked.

He spoke again in a soft tone. “So, do you feel better recounting everything?”

“Yeah,” she spoke, matching his tone automatically. “It's helped us come to terms with what we are. Sort of.”

“Do you still have those nightmares?”

“...Yeah… I, don't think they're ever going to go away, but they don't panic us like they used to. Still the same dream: halfway through eating my friend's bodies, and any wounds start shapeshifting back into healthy flesh, then suddenly Miller, or Erian, or Abi crawls out of one of the bodies. I wake up eating my bed frame. At least they're over quick.”

Dr.Gates writes something down before speaking. “Abi appearing alongside Miller and Erian is new. Did something happen between the two of you?”

Mayday bites off a part of the couch she sat on. Dr.Gates didn't seem to mind.

“We broke up a while ago. Mutual. And we're still friends. Besties, even. But, between our transition, and explaining our plurality. She said she stopped recognizing us after a while. I guess I get it… Let's talk about something else, please.”

“Of course. Is there something else you wish to speak on?”

She sat and thought for a while, she didn't actually think of something else. Her confusion and frustration became apparent.

Dr.Gates interjected into her thought process. “How is your work with Erian going?”

Mayday perks up. “It's going great! I mean, we're still looking for new clients, but besides that, we're looking into new ways to support therians with detailed timelines of what their treatment will look like, and actual documents with guides, procedures, and resources for those starting their journeys. There's a lot. I, er, we want to create the tools we never had for everyone that comes after us.”

“That's quite a noble task, I look forward to hearing your progress on it.” 

He quickly checked his watch after a small beep came from it.

“Our time is almost up, one last thing before you go though. I want to ask for your progress on what we've talked about last time, with how you see yourself.”

Mayday couldn't help but let out a sigh. That's what most of her journey was, slowly accepting what she was, all of the struggles that came with it.

“I think…” She spoke softly. “I think it's really easy to blame yourself when things go wrong for being who you are. Although some of my problems were my fault. But… maybe that's what therapy is. Learning to not blame everything on yourself. It sounds like basic kid's morals, when I put it like that. I think we just lose sight of it easily… I'm a mimic. What that says about me, how I act, how I see myself, how I see the other parts of me, it doesn't matter anymore. I like being a mimic. Faults and all.”

The polar bear smiles. “A very nice thought, Mayday. I think that will end today's session. I'll see you next week.”

Mayday smiles back. “See you around.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Start - Prev

Thank you to @ashen-vulture for letting us use the character of Dr.Gates

So yeah, This is the final chapter of Mimic HRT. It was originally going to be posted on Friday, but after hearing about Dragon HRT, we decided to wait until now. What does this mean for this blog? Well, you might have noticed it took about a month between the previous chapter and now. We've been busy. With friends, work, studying, and learning to draw and code in RenPy, we've been busy.

So here's the new project! We're going to start working on an Animal HRT visual novel. Obviously this projects will take a while, but we will still be writing smaller stories for this blog in the meantime.

Hope all of you enjoyed Mimic HRT. Thank you for all sticking with this series. Love yall lots, and see you for the next project.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mention list: @a-shramp, @calliecwrites, @be702, @respectfulevil, @hyacinthdoll1315

@aster-is-confused, @bloodandbrandywyne, @glitchgloop, @nyxthewary, @lunadook

@celestemysterios, @i-am-trans-gwender, @reliablegal, @bookmothic-dyke, @fluffytransfemkittykatwitch

[munnmolads]

"Who are you?" - Rafayel's Nightly Stroll Theory/Headcanon

My thoughts about Rafayel's jabs about forgetting MC during Nightly stroll and theory on what might have happened before the game events. Spoilers for Nightly Stroll, Under Deepspace main story and Rafayel's story branch.

Recap from Nightly Stroll - Rafayel gets injured and gets into the hospital. He calls MC to visit him in the morning, and she arrives there late at night. Angry at her lateness, Rafayel pretends to forget MC.

Later in the story we learn that this is a jab at MC actually forgetting him. They met much earlier as kids and made a promise to meet again the spot next year.

Only later in the story branch MC gets to know about her forgetting Rafayel.

Something I want to point out with the branch relating to their meeting even if it's slightly off-topic, their meeting happened 14 years ago, so MC was around 7-8 years old, and Rafayel was 10. I believe MC is referring to the experiments that we can read more about "Sealed in Dust" World Underneath story, and her age during those experiments was specified in Under Deepspace Chapter 5-1. MC still doesn't know the full extent to her experiments and doesn't connect yet that those memory losses are related to them.

While Rafayel says that he didn't ACTUALLY wait for her, he still seemed to hope that they would meet again. As if this isn't heartbreaking enough, I have wondered one thing... How he knew MC truly forgot about him?

In main story chapter 2 when they meet "for the first time", he doesn't seem to be surprised about the fact that she doesn't recognize him. He seems like he already knows she has forgotten about him, and keeps up the facade of not knowing who she is. Only after chapter 7 he shows how bitter he is over it.

Then going back to him mentioning "settling a score with her"... While I feel that we might never know what that actually meant, I feel him "forgetting" MC back is one of his ways to get back at her, in a very specific way. In addition to Nightly Stroll, he very momentarily pretends to forget MC again because he's angry with her. If you don't log in for 30 days, you will get a new interaction with the guys in the cafe, he will say this:

(thanks to SORAII for uploading a video of it, I am way too obsessed with this game to do this)

While this moment is shorter than in Nightly Stroll, it has the similar theme: He asks who MC is, and mentions that she looks kind of familar. I don't know about in other languages, but in EN voiceover he also raises his pitch a teeny bit here, and in Nightly stroll it's obviously higher.

Here is where my theory/headcanon comes in; MC has said those words to him. They met again after MC forgot everything, and ironically, has forgotten about it. And he's mocking her for it.

I imagine Rafayel did approach her after finding her - being ecstatic that he finally found her, only to hear those words. It also makes sense considering how convoluded his methods of trying to involve himself into her life have been but still never approach her until the main story starts. Also, considering how bitter he is about it and how he sincerely wanted MC to use the bond to make him not to hold a grudge anymore.

And for her, she thought she just met some guy who mistook her for someone else.

[rimouskis]

thoughts on social media use, algorithms, and the strangeness of being a human in the world:

I don't remember when I downloaded tiktok. It was either 2021 or 2022. I was working from home and had more unsupervised down time than I was accustomed to. It was easy to scroll and get lost in it.

The algorithm was good. It had my interests pinned so quickly that it was almost alarming. I suddenly felt reattached to youth culture, which was something that had been slipping out of my fingers as I aged into my 20s. I rather enjoyed getting to explain new jokes or memes or references to my older friends who weren't on the platform. It was, for a time, my favorite way to spend time online, aside from Tumblr.

And all I did was consume. I barely even commented on things, mostly because the constant notifications you couldn't silence when your comment got liked were annoying, but also because I didn't think I had much worth adding. It was entirely passive. Scroll, watch, scroll, scroll, scroll, watch, watch, scroll. An eternal feed of dopamine beamed right into my skull.

I stopped writing as much, though there were lots of things I could blame that on. I stopped reading almost entirely, though that had been true for a little while, so I also couldn't blame that on the app either, not really. It wasn't like I could point to the app and say "THIS THING IS RUINING MY LIFE!" because it wasn't. I was entertained. I felt informed because I started seeing some news items this way that I hadn't seen elsewhere. I was Connected To The Culture, and I've always enjoyed that. I found music I liked, and cultural critics I liked, and endless, endless amounts of Content that I liked.

My phone was old. So old, in fact, that the screen was made out of some sort of thing where the stark white like/comment/home icons on tiktok's interface literally burnt themselves into my screen. I was kind of embarrassed about that. I didn't use it a weird amount, I was on other apps, I had a life, I ran, I was outdoors whenever the weather was good, I was always busy around the city going to events and seeing people and going to hockey games. So what if I burned some icons into an old, faulty screen?

Then my life got blown up in short order, through no fault of my own, and it wasn't until I got a new, fully in-person job that I began noticing how much I was watching tiktok when I had a SECOND of free time at my job. It was more obvious when I was in an office that my fingers twitched with desire to scroll and watch short-form videos. It was embarrassing. It was like a smoker tic for a cigarette between their fingers.

Sometime in late 2023, I told my friends I wanted to stay off of tiktok more. I was sick of not writing like I used to. I felt like all my time was spent staring down at a little screen. In bursts and spurts, I would go a day or two without using the app, or only using it in the evening before I slept. I always ended up back on it, though.

It wasn't until March 2024 that I deleted the app off of my phone instead of just hour-limiting it. It was gone.

Funnily, some time later, maybe a week or two, I tried to redownload it. But, lo, my curated algorithm was gone. It had reset entirely, like it had forgotten me. My For You Page was gibberish, wholly unlike the fun, """"curated"""" (bleh) page I'd once had that could spoonfeed me stuff calibrated to my exact interests.

And just like that, the spell was broken. I deleted the app off of my phone forevermore. I left it logged in on my laptop, where the FYP was similarly broken, and I would—once every two months or so—go online to check on the pages I followed and watch a bit of their content. A mere five or so minutes would go by before I hit the end of my "Following" feed, and I'd close out of the tab, having seen all I wanted to see. It was kind of shocking how once the addictive, spot-on algorithm was destroyed, so too was my interest in the app.

That isn't to say my attention span has returned. It doesn't feel like it has. It wasn't like I smugly wiped my hands of algorithms, either. Even though I'd previously never used the "For You" tab on Twitter, I began clicking onto it. Then, a couple months ago, I started going into Instagram reels consistently, also having never done that before.

Twitter is, of course, a terrible place now filled with absolutely hateful bigots, but it's also a place unshakably dedicated to a culture of dunking and owning and getting one over another poster and being confrontational and being rude and being the first to say the most provocative, attention-grabbing thing about ANY topic.

It became deeply unpleasant to be on. It had been for a while, if we're being honest. I stayed off hockey twitter for months because I couldn't stand the horrible takes about the Pens, or about Geno's contract, or about how Sid should jump ship.

Instagram, meanwhile, was more insidious. I've never felt the kind of anxiety about my Instagram that I know bothers some other people—I deeply enjoy it as a tool of curation. I'm a hobbyist photographer. I like sharing snippets of my life (lol obviously, given what I'm doing right now). I love the language of images. I didn't really follow any influencers or news outlets, just old friends and acquaintances and family members and some small artists I enjoy. I muted the stories of people who shared incessant and oversimplified PSA graphics about the news or social issues. I kept it rather apolitical—that was what Twitter and sometimes Reddit were for.

When I started perusing the curated/algorithm Reels feed, though, I started to get sucked back in.

It was nice, at first. My tendency to stay away from political/news content meant I didn't get ragebait on there. In fact, the VAST majority of content I was served was interior design, furniture restoring/flipping, and home remodels.

It was really interesting. I liked seeing people's homes! I liked daydreaming about getting to do big-scale renovations with custom homemade cabinetry and wallpaper and gorgeous tiles. Sometimes I'd get recipe content, too, and vaguely crunchy-but-still-sensible environmentalist stuff.

I started noticing, again, how much time I was spending on it, but it also wasn't just taking my time.

All the beautiful new furniture made me want new furniture, too. All the starkly-beautiful and obsessive (and frankly stupid and overconsumption-informed) organization content made me want to improve my hall closet. Suddenly the interior design in my home—which had gotten compliments from everyone who'd ever stepped inside, from my landlord to my friends to my family—wasn't good enough for me anymore. I wanted a change. I wanted a gallery wall. I wanted a sideboard. I wanted removable wallpaper. I wanted beautiful, impractical, expensive storage. I wanted, I wanted, I wanted.

I've never been particularly influenceable, not when it comes to internet influencers. I'm very informed and watchful over my money. I know what I like spending on. I plan and I make it happen. And what influencers were often selling—clothes, makeup, beauty products—wasn't where I loved spending my money.

Home decor, though? Home improvement? Interior design? Turns out that could get me to open my wallet.

I did make some changes to my living space. I like them. I think they're beautiful and they solve both a storage issue I had and a oh-god-I-own-too-much-art-where-am-I-gonna-put-it-all problem I had. But I noticed what made me spend that money: seeing other peoples' beautiful homes.

I didn't like that.

I read AHP's "Culture Study" newsletter. I find her an interesting journalist and I usually find what she has to say, and what her guests have to say, to be interesting. This morning, she put out a newsletter talking about how she'd deleted Instagram from her phone before Christmas, and taken her email app off too while she was at it.

There are so many good chunks of this newsletter, but I want to share a few:

I find myself diverting my scroll energy to Facebook, where I still have an account to access dahlia groups, but it feels even more gross than before: a wasteland of AI accounts promising blue dahlias and weight loss reels and suggestions to friends of friends who haven’t updated their Facebook accounts in nearly a decade. It’s like a frat house basement at 10 am. Why the fuck am I here.

and

After years of people yelling at me in books, think pieces, and tweets (lol) to “break up with my phone,” “delete your social media accounts,” and “fuck Mark Zuckerberg,” turns out the thing that I needed was a whole conglomeration of quiet arguments and technological shifts that made my phone and the social media accounts on it feel less precious. Put differently, I haven’t come to value it less; instead, it’s become less valuable.

and

The amount of space these technologies take up in our lives — and their ever-diminishing utility — has brought us to a sort of cultural tipping point. I’ve sensed it over the last year, when my social feeds seemed to finish their years-long transformation from a neighborhood populated with friends to a glossy condo development of brands.

AHP articulated precisely what I'd been feeling. My curated feeds of people I'd CHOSEN to follow had been replaced with algorithms of content created by professional influencers who wanted my attention (to monetize it, to sell me things, to sell my eyes to a company, whatever).

I was disgusted by the few home renovation accounts I'd begun to follow posting their all-precious Amazon links of useless chintz. Twitter was plainly a hellhole. I'm sick of businesses and businesspeople deciding what I see in the desperate hope that I hand them money.

This has bled out to other parts of my life, even. Though I've lovingly heaped praise onto Spotify for giving me two new playlists of just-for-me algorithm-picked songs each week, I've gotten into watching and listening to DJ sets on Youtube (this and this were really enjoyable) because something that's become patently clearer to me was my own desire to experience curation.

I want to feel like what I read, what I hear, what I see, has been lovingly and intentionally made by another human because they loved it so much that they had to share it. Not because they wanted to sell me something. Not because an algorithm thinks that since I liked Song A, I'll like Song B, C, D, and XYZ based on other listener patterns. Because a real human put time and effort and a pinch of luck into discovering something and wanted to share it.

I'm getting off of Instagram Reels. I'm unfollowing the home decor/design pages I added into my feed. I'm debating deleting Twitter off my phone entirely. I'm tired of being fed ads, even if they're disguised as pretty home updates. I'm tired of being fed the worst news and the worst denizens of the internet all clamoring for attention. I'm tired of an algorithm determining what will suck up my attention.

So, all of this to say: it's been weird seeing people—friends, acquaintances, old coworkers—post on Instagram mourning the (very brief) death of Tiktok. The idea of the app being banned in the States, while worrying from a freedom of speech/oligarchy perspective, didn't bother me on a personal level as a now non-user. It's been weird noticing that my dad has started watching YouTube shorts in retirement. It's been weird seeing all the algorithms and feeling so claustrophobic about them. I want out. I want away. I can feel their presence like a shrinking room, the walls touching my skin.

This is pie-in-the-sky and naive, but it's why I like Tumblr. I shell out a few bucks a month so I don't even see ads anymore. I ticked the "do not show blazed posts" option for my dash. I don't go on the "For you" page. Every morning when I scroll my dash, I always reach the end, because I don't even follow all that many people. There is a finite limit to what I see. I can go a half hour without anything new appearing on my dash, some days. It can even get boring.

...it's nice. It feels self-curated. It's actually what I want out of social media.

Anyways, this is now a stupidly long post, and I don't have a closing statement beyond "I want to experience human-curated spaces that aren't trying to sell me shit" and "I want to stop subjecting myself to algorithms out of fear that I'm missing something or out of fear that I'll be bored."

I'll finish out with three more quotes from the AHP piece:

Not being bored is why you always feel busy, why you keep “not having time” to take a package to the post office or work on your novel. You do have time—you just spend it on your phone.

and

App Time is Time, App Energy is Energy

and

The world, filtered through the apps, is not the world we want for ourselves. And in many cases, it’s not the actual world we inhabit.

[po1sonous-l0ve]

Thinking about going to college with Grayson Hawthorne

Warnings: sexual references, underage drinking

•You met him through your brother when he dragged him to sit with the friend group at lunch.

•You'd that he was kind of a jerk since he didn't talk much, and was always looking down his nose at people.

•But anyways, your brother was cool with him, so you were cool with him.

•Eventually, after a while, you thought he was just a but shy, so when the friend group went to a party together, you took it upon yourself to try and help.

~~~~~~~~~~

The music was blaring. The people were dancing. What was better?

Anything else, apparently, for Grayson.

He was just... sitting there. With a cup in hand. Sitting.

You saunter on over to him, heels clacking against the floor. "Why aren't you dancing?" You ask, giggling slightly.

"I'm not the biggest fan of such parties," he explained. Normally, you would have left him alone by then, but the alcohol was getting to you a bit, so you pressed on.

"Maybe you'll like it if you try! Oh, wait, I get it, you don't know how to dance! I'll teach you!" Before he could protest, you'd grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet.

Guiding his hands to your hips, you wrapped your arms loosely around his neck and swayed to the music. "See? It's not bad, is it?" You tease.

"I guess not," he admits.

~~~~~~~~~~~

•So, now that he was on his feet, he started to play games with the friend group.

•Mainly drinking games, which he was suspiciously good at. (Cough cough, jameson)

•However, he did also lose quite a bit, so by the end of the night, you were both quite drunk.

•There wasn't enough space in one Uber for all of you, so you and Grayson waited for a second one.

•Once you two had got back to campus, things got a bit... mixed up, and you accidentally found your way into his... bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunlight was streaming through the window, and you had a pounding headache.

Probably from the pounding you got last night.

"Eugh," you groan. What had happened last night? Everything was rather muddled, so you sat up and tried to get your bearings.

This was not your bed.

You looked to your left.

Shit.

Why were you sleeping in Grayson Hawthorne's bed?

And why was he shirtless?

And why were you wearing his shirt (and not much else??)

You slumped back down against the bed.

You'd slept with Grayson fucking Hawthorne.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

•That had haunted you for a few days, but Grayson didn't seem to remember, so all seemed fine.

•Until a week later he approached you.

•"Listen. I don't know if you remember Saturday night..."

•You definitely remembered Saturday night.

•"But I was thinking. How about... we get to know each other better. Maybe over lunch?"

•Hell yes.

•First date down!

•Second date down!

•Third date down!

•Fourth date down!

•Boyfriend bagged!

•Your brother was stunned.

•"So... you've been sleeping... with my best friend?"

•Yeah, that was an awkward talk.

•But eventually he approved!

•Classes with Grayson were heaven.

•You'd often sit at the back during lectures, and you'd rest your head on his shoulder whilst he took notes.

•Homework together!!

•You'd sit on his lap and he'd have his arms wrapped around you whilst you typed at the desk.

•Or you'd have your head in his lap and he'd stroke your hair absentmindedly whilst reading a textbook.

•Meeting his brothers was a wholeeeee other thing though....

[solarpire]

re: your tags on the poc/character post

I'm sorry but did. we watch the same Arcane

Ok so you've activated my rant card (I mean this with joy, I love talking about this kind of thing and I do enjoy the show they just did like abysmally for representation)

Here is why ekko rings as an empty/token character to me:

1. We get no personal motivations for him. We had three whole episodes of character setup for our characters. By the time we get to progress day, we solidly know what every character is about, and why seven years later they would end up in the places they did. Except for ekko. Sure he lost benzo, but what does that mean? All we ever see from that is him crying with vi. Why is he running the firelights? Did he start this group? What got him passionate enough to start all this? How did he find the tree? Why is he so jaded now? How does he feel about how things went down for vi and powder? Why does he hate jinx? (For those who dont know, that last one was apparently Supposed to be answered, but was among one of the MANY ekko scenes they decided to cut for time.) Genuinely we get better character drive for Marcus. We barely get to know his thoughts on anything, let alone see his downtime. The only exception to that is when hes playing at being someone else in the au episode. Which leads me into my next point-

2. He is always only used as a plot piece for the white characters. We only see him in the au in service of having an au episode, furthering jinxs plotline, and getting his time power in time to kind of help stop victor. In the game he always had it, he would use it as a kid to make dinners with his family last longer, and worked on furthering it when he was older to save his friend, that he ended up not being able to save in the end. That's interesting! That's something for him to have on his own, that's a driving force for why hes doing things. And when this

Is genuinely the best characterization for him? Theres a problem. (He also falls into the black hair tropes of white hair and that specific short dreads with the side shave look to make him look cool, but since the white hair was a problem with the original character design in a load bearing way, and dreads do work for his character I dont necessarily consider them the worst offenses. Can we Please explore some other hair styles though I swear his look is begging for some twists, or maybe some box braids). And otherwise, his screen time is next to nothing. I want to say season one he gets less than ten minutes total. They treat him as if hes a main character to further the plot, but the moment it doesnt matter to the more important main characters hes discarded.

3. He doesnt get to be questioned. Every single character in this show is grey in some way, except for ekko. He is lorded as an absolute moral good by the show, but we dont actually get to see what that means. We barely actually get to know how he feels about shimmer divorced from silco, let alone any of his politics in regard to zauns freedom. Hes put on a pedestal of "the good guy" without actually letting that mean or accomplish anything aside from being something pretty to look at. A token. They almost do better by sevika, if they didnt fully ignore her after the parts they needed her for in the first half of season 2, not let her mourn or even find out about the people she cared about dying, didn't let her participate in the last episode, and then did her the disservice of being the only zaunite voice on the council when it runs on majority vote (I'm sorry there is No fucking way shes rolling over and taking that deal after how much shes devoted to fighting for zaun)

4. HE FUCKING WORKS WITH THE COLONIZER OF ZAUN AS A FRIEND AND MENTOR. HELLO. I have so many problems with how heimerdinger was portrayed as a constant voice of reason, but the fact that in ADDITION to that they make him buddy buddy with ekko? Makes it incredibly clear that they have no fucking idea what they're saying.

All in all, on the surface? Ekkos awesome! Ekko is really cool and fighting for an important cause! But the moment you look past that there is almost nothing to him character wise. And when hes the only black character they use culturally black ties for outside of hair, and the only main black zaunite character? It rubs me wrong.

[ventismacchiato]

i was thinking about swy and my brain just collapsed because it kept overflowing with headcanons. anyways heres the ones i compiled or at the very least remember

yn is the type of idol with those compilation videos like 'yn tripping over air for 5 minutes straight'

windblume and delusion has watched those compilation of videos that are like "*insert member* being wifey material" just to laugh maniacally at every moment so that person gets embarassed (like in a good way)

whenever its scaras birthday most of the others just gift him vapes (i lowkey forget what he was smoking so mb)

↑ adding on to that but i feel like yn would get them a different gift like earlier swy yn defo gives him the most useless gifts on planet earth (if they even decide to)

delusion fans still have this argument on whether childe is hot or ugly (its still ongoing just way less popular with scarayn being trending)

delusion and windblume hang out three times a week (or the maximum they can) every night and scara and yn are just sitting on the edge glaring at each other back in the earlier days of them being an idol

d&w (shortcut for delusion and windblume cause im NOT typing allot) have game nights. the games range from stardew valley to the most horrifying thing you can imagine

whenever yn is gifted a stuffed toy/plushie by a fan scara throws it out because hes paranoid (but tbh its actually really common when youre an idol) that theres a camera. counts for both earlier and later swy like i genuinely believe that he just does nice things most of the time behind their back

whenever you see a fischl stan theres an 85% cahnce they have said 'she was definitely a theatre kid' at least once in their lifetime

you know those videos where idols will wake up from their nap/sleep and everyones looking kind of messy and that one has perfect hair. thats lumine.

theres an ongoing joke that venti should be in jail for underage drinking just because hes considered short by windblume fans

omg i love ur headcanons!

i think scarayn wud have a stupid tradition (they’d never admit it) when they were rivals of getting each other stupid gifts and when they get tgt they still do it (scara wud spoil yn obviously but add a stupid gag gift)

the childe argument omg my poor baby HAHA i’d defend his ass that man is BEAUTIFUL

awe the hanging out 😢 i hc their dorms are near eachother so they see eo often, like lunch in between training and having meals tgt and scarayn wud just sit in their own corners and ignore eo

awe the plushie!! he wud so do that 😭 subtly looking out for yn cus he can’t hide he cares to some level

ok lemme add some of my own!

scara dropping the cap to a bottle of wine in a live and pretending he can’t find it so he has to drink the whole bottle and everyone tweeting about how bad his acting is. and then kazuha walks in and picks it up and scara swipes it out of his hands

when scara is knocked out and tired he doesn’t give a fuck who gets in bed with him. so maybe there’s a few videos of behind the scenes where aether or childe will just crawl into his bed and scara doesn’t say anything but he’ll shift over

i feel like since idols go live maybe they’d livestream themselves playing games with fans, like yk how taehyung played with fans and they all let him win and waited for him but then when nayeon played among us they killed her immediately (i think i’m rmbring this right) so whenever scara plays all his fans r letting him win and he eats them all up but then when childe plays they all kill him instantly

chiscara reacting to fanart:

scara: who is that, cus i know that ain’t me. why do you guys keep drawing me as the bottom? i would never let this ginger top me in a million years, have you seen him? he’s pathetic. god. if anything i’d be telling him what to do from the bottom—

childe: alright not too much on me 😓

did u guys see that clip of gummy (?) singing seven days a week as if she’s singing in a church choir 😭 i hc seven is scaras solo song so imagine he’s mcing a show and the debut idol who sang his song rlly badly in a cover comes up and he can’t help but call them out for it

based on that one keeho video i think if childe ran into fans he’d take photos with them but also ask them to take his insta pics for him 😭

i feel like childe wud love to troll paparazzi, aether wud wear long wings and walk around with child and ppl wud think he’s with some girl

[jokingmisfit]

Yandere Jervis Tetch Abc's

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

He is severe in his ministrations. Any way that a person can show love he will do. Giving you presents, complimenting you continuously, holding you to his chest, and simply sitting with you for tea. He is obsessive and if you're in a room his attention is on you. He can get intense with his love giving you terrifying gifts, telling you terrifying confessions of love, holding you a little too tightly, and staring heavily from the seat across from yours.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Jervis isn't a stranger to getting his hands, metaphorically, dirty. The only person safe from his violent acts is you. Anyone who gets in his way of you can and will meet a cruel end.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

He is as sweet as he was before, and if you hadn't met him before then he's as sweet as he always planned to be. He might mock, but not purposefully, it's just the delusions making him think what he's saying is true, not an insult.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Of course he would, he's a hypnotist. Jervis will invade your mind so often you may start losing touch with time with how many chunks of it are missing.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

He is an open book. He'll spill his guts to you so quickly. You are his biggest weakness and he is more than willing to show you any and everything he has so long as you ask him too. He'll be nervous to be so open in the start but soon enough his madness will flow like a river.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

Jervis doesn't understand why you won't just let him love you. You're the love of his life why can't you just love him back?

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

He absolutely hates that you keep trying to leave. Why are you running what are you the white rabbit? He wishes you'd tired yourself out already with these stupid games.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Watching the people you love or care about die. If they get involved or make Jervis feel threatened in any way he will make you watch as he disposes of them or make them dispose of themselves.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

A domestic dream. He plans for the perfect wedding and living happily ever after, with a few kids if you want that.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Jervis absolutely gets jealous. Before he kidnaps you he'll cover it up well and hypnotize the idiot responsible later into ending their own lives. After he kidnaps you he's much more deranged about it. He'll hypnotize them while standing behind you, holding your shoulders to make sure you watch.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

He's an absolute sweetheart with a dark manic twist. He's clingy and intense. It's like if a golden retriever and Cujo mixed and became obsessed with you. He'll treat you like royalty like his world is nothing but you.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Jervis is a gentleman. He brings you flowers and clothes. Cooks you food and makes you tea. His way of flirting is to shower you in compliments. Before kidnapping you, you might think he's the perfect man with the sweet words and gifts. After kidnapping you, you see through the gentleman act even though he does all the things he did before but things are more extreme and darker. He'll cling to you more and be more aggressive with things.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Absolutely not. Like I said before he is an open book. Of course, he's sweeter to you than he is others, but that's because he loves you not them.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Jervis doesn't really do punishments. He'll hypnotize you to get you to listen, but he doesn't take any disciplinary actions against you.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

Mostly just your freedom, and occasionally their sense of reality. You can still do the things you love you just have to do them from the comfort of the beautiful home he murdered the family of and trapped you in.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

Jervis switches up frequently. Other days he's calm and patient as you cry and scream, and other days he's grabbing your hands and hypnotizing you to shut up. He can be extremely patient, but the man craves your love and needs some reprieve from your screaming.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

If you die a whole lot of people are going to as well. He's already lost one love losing another will drive him to a place darker than he's ever been. If you leave or escape it doesn't matter where or for how long he will bring you back. He'll manipulate, murder, and search until you're back in his arms.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

No, and no. Jervis doesn't feel guilty for kidnapping you, but he does pity you. He doesn't get why you are so upset by this, but he will still empathize the best he can. He's not going to let you go and if you escape he will find a way to bring you back.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

He's always had this side to him, but losing Alice drove him off the little pillar of sanity he had balanced on for so long.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

It upsets Jervis so much. He doesn't understand why you can't just listen to him. He'll hypnotize you to make you stop or he'll hold you for hours as you try to wiggle away.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

Not really, he'd never kill you, at least not on purpose, he'd kill so many people for you, he'd manipulate, and he'd kidnap.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Play into Jervis' delusions a little bit. Manipulate him back and you may be able to escape for a very short period of time.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Not physically, but mental manipulation takes its toll. Sometimes though he might put a little something in your tea to help you sleep.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Jervis can and will kiss your feet like a follower to their god. He thinks the two of you were destined to be together. You're the love of his life and he will worship you till the day he dies.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

A few months. He may be quick to fall in love, but he's a gentleman. He'll try to hold out but he probably only lasts for 1 or 2 months. He just can't help it and you aren't taking the hint! What else is he supposed to do.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

If permanently hypnotizing you counts as breaking, then yes. Then again, he might just drive you insane. Jervis would try his best not to get you to that breaking point, but the confusion that comes with him mixing reality and fantasy and hypnotizing you repeatedly is bound to drive anyone over the edge.

[sibyl-of-space]

The full version of my 20th century harmony midterm. The assignment was to write a piano piece drawing from 3 different harmony practices we studied, and I was like "well if I'm writing kind of deranged stuff anyway why don't I go all out" so that's why it has drumloops and shit. The first half or so is not much changed from the last version I posted, the second half has a lot of additions though.

A section: quartal harmony based on E B section: octatonic C section: bitonal (E minor on top and G# minor on bottom)

...and then there's a recap of A at the end that does the quartal thing again but in G# this time instead of E.

IDK these weird harmonic practices are kinda growing on me. Writing insane music is really fucking fun actually

[freakinator]

thinking about kab and the thing about her i think is she knows just enough to keep herself safe Generally but not enough to really predict what would happen should something more... complicated??? unforeseen??? idk whats the right word to use but something not covered by someones reputation and/or vids happen, believe it or not this also affects her view of clownpierce (we'll get to that)

for example, mapicc has a reputation for being an violent, angry, & impulsive guy and nothing else which makes sense but is incredibly surface level and something that only really works if you dont have a lot of experience working with him

another is reddoons, his betrayal after the base incident while shocking is not unforeseen but his reputation as being a guy whos seen as being a reasonable person whos fairly loyal to his team made it seem like something he wouldnt do even tho it absolutely is

regarding how it affects her view of clown, since he isnt perfectly aligned with his reputation she instead pivots in the complete opposite direction and forgiving basically every crime he does even tho hes something much more mild and complicated than either his reputation or her view of him will ever be (think madonna-whore complex which is especially obvious when it comes to kabs vs woogies view of him)

another side effect of this Just Enough amount of knowledge aside from being blinded by her own expectations is that it frustrates ppl who think shes oversimplificating things (like me and seemingly several other tumblr users as well) especially when she claims that shes objectively correct and the smartest in the room at any given moment

how this roughness in her analysis affects her in the server still has yet to be fully seen but we do still have at least a couple months until the end but 'til then shes just gonna keep stumbling as more and more complicated situations pop up as is typical in lifesteal to happen and eventually shes gonna have to learn to adapt or else she'll be suffering the consequences one way or another

[dungeons-and-dragon-age]

OKAY. MAN.

[cent-scratchnsniff]

More sketchy employee profile images. Mostly made to be able to replace the picrew I had in the template I made since I can draw. I did end up just putting it as back and white though but the color is just nice to have. I'm STILL trying to tweak the template since it is very finicky and there is an example of what it looks down below if you're interested. It is a lot. It will happen. I am just not the quickest

There are typos and inconsistencies I missed but in general it should be fine...

[icewindandboringhorror]

Lineup of all of the characters that appear long enough to need a visual representation of them in the game lol